This is blog is dedicated to my people. You know who you are, I call you my village. Full of family and friends that showed up for your girl. You believed in what God could do for me before I did and loved me fully while he did his thing. Your love for me has never gone unnoticed and is beyond appreciated. Stay tuned because 30 is for you!
I never use to have this fear about what was next for me until about a year ago when I realized I was turning 30 this year. All of a sudden I started to feel the weight of everything I felt like I should have accomplished based on the world’s standard. I started to feel the heaviness around being single, my career not being where I wanted it to be and feeling like I had not done a host of other things. Earlier this year a friend of mine was praying over me and the Lord led her to tell me to “drop my plans and embrace the now”. I wept and did not fully understand what God was really asking of me. Drop what??? Excuse me Lord but I don’t know about all of that.
In the midst of my pride and arrogance, God still got at my plans. Y’all he started shaking the tables of my life and turning stuff over and upside down. He started asking for more of me, he started challenging me to trust him, and he asked me to open doors so that I could fully heal the way he needed me to be healed in this new season. Eventually, I could not resist anymore, and do you know what happened? God had the nerve to bless little old me, and I am not talking about small blessings either.
I started to see him transform friendships and relationships with people. He had a strong desire for me to experience love and trust in a new way. Things that I never thought I was deserving of he started showing me that I was and he would drop another blessing on me. I started to feel the plans that I thought I needed to have for my life chip away and I was shifting my perspective. I became full of more joy, I had this desire to be with him more than I ever had before. I wanted less of me and more of him.
Here’s the thing, God has never had me out here looking crazy, but I thought he did because I wanted to do his job for him. You see God has shown me that flaws are okay, and that true healing will take place in owning my identity in Jesus. That I do not have to chase what’s next but merely stay in the present and bloom while God handled the anxiety I held. I did not have to search in people to be enough because God sent your girl some people that invited her to the party, and with that invitation, there will be a truth that is constantly spoken over her,
"Cre you belong here and are wanted here."
I began to understand that the no’s of yesterday will foster the one yes that will matter. I learned to remain passionate and patient in the waiting because what God reveals there will humble me in the purest of ways. My heart was always joyful even in sorrow because I had met God and he has shown me the beauty in just being myself (and I am dope).
You see God has molded made me into who I am. He showed me the beauty of who I am in unimaginable ways. I had to stop comparing my journey to everyone else. I had to evaluate the journey that I am on and see the misguided beauty in it. There is no train that is going to get me to the destination that I feel like I am supposed to be faster.
It is what has me excited about turning 30. God gets do far more in my life, and I get to buckle up and enjoy the ride. So while I’m unsure of what goes before me, I can be sure of one thing and that is that God is the God that will always go before me and that he loves me so much.
God,
Thank you for another year to honor you with my life. Thank you for my 20's which molded me and transitioned me into walking in the fullness of who you created me to be. I didn’t understand your plans and promises for my journey, but I do now and I’m forever grateful. May the next 365 days be full of honoring my life the way that you created it in every form. May my beauty be a direct reflection of what you are always doing in me. I’m so excited to trust you with more of my life.
Sincerely,
Becoming... 30
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