This blog is dedicated to the sweet people who have walked alongside me as Jesus cultivated all the things that I would purposefully BECOME this year in Him. If I started naming you all I would def forget some. Thank you all for reminding me that we are growing together in this life with Jesus. Love you so much!
“I’m just thinking that this is a season of BECOMING for you! The way you speak and think has changed because you share his perspective over your life!”
A friend sweetly texted these words to me a few weeks back. I went to the dictionary and just had to break down this word “becoming” because it was sticking to me in a major way. I learned that it is a noun for the verb “become” which literally means to come, to change, or grow to be.
GROW TO BE!!!!
Whew. Wow. Okay, God, I see you.
So here I was sitting and settling in this new feeling of freedom with Jesus, and he was letting me know that this was just the beginning of the process. He was letting me know that I was getting ready to enter into even more of a greater transition with Him. That he was preparing to take me to a place of even more growth. Then this thought popped into my mind, “What if I am growing roots for the flower I am really about to become?”
Me? A flower? Why did I just say that?
You could have never told the 18-year-old depressed me that. I would have never believed you if you would have told me that I was going to blossom past that point. As far as I was concerned, I was kind of content with being in a dark place. You could have never told me that I would one day decide to stop partnering with lies and dare to believe that God could still use every part of me fully, 10 plus years later.
God had determined and said that I still had value. He said that I could get back up, and live a life free from who I used to be. That the world needed what I carried, just by simply being connected to Him fully. One day it just felt like it all clicked, I woke up believing that I was worthy and deserving of being free. Tons of people had believed it for me for a long time but I never fully carried the truth about it in my heart.
Recently, I looked back on this season and realized, I had made it through every lie spoken over me. Every you’re not good enough. Every no one will ever want you. Every you’ve gone as far as you are going to go. Every you’re an embarrassment. Too afraid during those times to deal with the pain I plastered a smile on my face and chose to masquerade. Until one day it all fell apart….what felt like another reason to run shame became a blessing that I gained. With the shattered pieces of my life out of my incapable hands, I asked God for the strength to only pick up what He could bless, and wipe my tears while I grieved the rest. I found myself grateful because God gave me strength in Him that I did not even know existed. I thought I wasn’t going to make it, I thought couldn’t carry on, I did anyway with him partnering with me every step of the way.
I am not sure who this is for, you are ending 2019 feeling like the decade may have been slow progress wise for you. I want you to reflect in all the ways that you truly have progressed though. How you have allowed yourself to have difficult conversations. For the strength that you really do possess down on the inside. You had some overcomer moments too! It felt heavy but you pressed through. Friend, you’ve still got time, because you’re still here. The goal was never perfection, it’s completion.
The things that you have gone through are not going to keep you from being whole. Trust that you are worthy of all the love and help that will come along the way. Trust that this type of love is so much greater than all the fear and lies.
So here is what I am thanking God for as I close out 2019:
That Jesus loves me deeply.
That God sends you people to partner with you as you grow in him.
That even when you wanna give up, God does not give up on you.
Sometimes success isn’t in what happens in the end, it’s who you become in the middle.
Oh and one last thing, before I pray us out. If you run into the kind of woman I used to be, let her know that she can finally give up on perfection, and chose authenticity. Turns out it will be the best decision she will ever make. She will get to keep everything she loved about the girl she once was, but add trust in God, self-love, and purpose. Now her life will no longer be built on shame or pain, but with the best of her broken pieces that always God saw as fit to use for His glory.
God,
I present myself fully to you. Thank you for molding my life and directing it according to your plan. Thank you for the journey and for what it looks like to come into more of myself. The journey has felt hard, but now I see the beauty in it being all worth it. Here is to me trusting and leaning into you, all while I bloom in your glorious grace. You are so good, God.
Signed,
Becoming…Me
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